Temple University in Tokyo costs around $7,000 a semester for full-time studies and just so happens to waive the admissions fee ($150) for students from my old American community college. You can major in Japanese Language there too. The deadline for applications for fall semester is July 1st, so I've got one month to figure stuff out / decide everything.

I don't have an extra $7,000 laying around but I could theoretically get a tuition loan somehow, and then both me and my wife will just get normal part-time jobs (instead of our not-so-good English teaching jobs we have now) and theoretically make enough money to pay for tuition for subsequent semesters. This uni doesn't cost any more than a language school does, and people pay for language school using part-time jobs so it should be fine, especially considering we're two people...

Of course, the best option is still to just get a job. And also to pass the BA class. But those options are looking pretty slim.