08 August 2017 @ 03:44 am
english again  
i want to give up on english. again.

the amount of sane, good, nice people using the english language is almost zero. for example, if you write something, everyone "reads into" what you're saying instead of reading what you actually wrote (i wrote on a topic and everyone apparently thought i was writing about something else — simply because i used ONE SINGLE TERM wrong and they apparently couldn't understand from the rest of my very long, detail-filled message), then they attack you or otherwise do all they can to prove you're incorrect.... with no sympathy. I'M the one saying "well i looked it up but i could be wrong" etc, they're simply going "no you're wrong" (despite that, yeah, i did look it up to see that i was correct before even posting). oh and i even got people messaging me to tell me that i had the wrong "context" — what context?! this was a post i wrote myself, it wasn't a reply to anyone!

then, i'm really tired of every single conversation being either mind-numbingly stupid or full of hate. like, i've tried to be fandom friends with people and their entire concept of "liking a series" is, apparently, watching it and then saying the main characters should replace the characters in a certain commercial they've seen. if you say ex. "well i think it's pretty clear that character's gay, look, all these events and lines of dialogue happened" "no it can't be because they didn't state it outright!!". sorry, but especially in japan, you can be gay without getting naked on screen, kissing someone and confessing your love to them. i'm pretty sure i knew this fact even when i was TWELVE.

then there's the english language itself. i don't want to support people thinking that english is "cool", or that people really should forgo their own languages in order to learn it. i don't live in a (native) english-speaking country anymore, in reality there's no reason for me to use it on a daily basis like i am. and people in other languages are just NICER. in japanese, swedish, esperanto (though there are some crazies in esperanto, they're usually english-speakers) i get nice, human, sympathetic, whatever-you-want replies AND ACTIONS. for example, i mentioned wanting to find more people who have aniridia —— and my japanese friend, without even saying anything, went and found a japanese aniridia person on twitter for me. talking to a swedish kid (kid! he's barely 15!) and i got really heartfelt advice.

but in english, literally 9 out of 10 people are crazy. maybe they're not crazy on the surface, but once you flip their switch (which can be as simple as disagreeing with them)...

the problem is, i've been using english every day of my life for 25 years. i don't want to, for example, alienate the (few) friends i have who only speak english. if i write fic, it always comes out a billion times easier (and nicer-sounding) in english. when i google i automatically do it in english. there's so much stuff i can read, play, etc in english for FREE. but if i continue to use english in my private life i'm going to end up continuing to use it in my public life (= twitter etc) too. and among other things, i NEED to write some books in english so i can get some money.

i feel really frustrated and down right now, i don't know what to do.... i mean, if someone's "really" my friend then they'd learn an easy language like esperanto in order to understand what i write, or would be fine with google translate, right....? but then there's the problem of them still wanting to write to ME in english, when i'm trying to quit english entirely....
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sunlit_stone: lonely_tardis[personal profile] sunlit_stone on August 8th, 2017 07:57 pm (UTC)
I'm really sorry, that sucks. :(

I don't know that I can imagine giving up English, but of course we're in pretty different positions. Maybe you can set a quota, for private usage? Like, "I won't post more than 2 posts a week in English", or "I'll reply to all comments on a single afternoon every week so I'm not spreading my English around," or something.

I don't know if that's true of friends in general but it might be true about yours? I don't know that I have time to learn Esperanto right now (I mostly devoting myself to Chinese rn actually, it's a lot of fun) (though no worries, I'm still doing Japanese too), though if you ever did come out with those Esperanto exercises I'd definitely check them out.

I'm trying to think of languages we share...I'm learning Japanese but I'm nowhere near good enough to communicate in it. French? Latin? I could probably do basic sentences in Chinese or German...

Edited 2017-08-08 07:58 pm (UTC)
lusentoj[personal profile] lusentoj on August 8th, 2017 09:27 pm (UTC)
I might be coming from a different background entirely: when I was a kid I thought all languages were completely different from each other (no loanwords etc) and that people didn't "really" learn foreign languages in school (because, in America, we sure didn't) and thus couldn't speak any unless they/their parents had actually moved to the country. It wasn't until I was maybe 17 that I found out that almost everyone in the world learns/studies at least one foreign language starting from a really early age, whether form society or school... I also always believed that the first (and only) foreign country I'd live in would be Japan, where they speak absolutely no English... stuff like that. And growing up I had a really high value of someone who was "literate", could spell everything correctly and use correct grammar and so on (though no one would think it, looking at me now haha!). English for me is also a general hinder: if I spend 2 hours using English (a language I already know and don't need to improve in! a time-waster!) that means 2 hours NOT improving in, say, Japanese...

Yeah with any luck I'll be able to distance myself from the English internet so much that "once a week" or "once a day" English takes no time at all. I was already thinking that during the exchange I'd probably take once a week to make a blog post on teo_japan... Knowing English IS useful, it's not like I actually want to completely forget it, but it just comes with so much annoyance. (The really useful things: dictionaries, grammar books/websites, being able to translate for people etc. There's no textbook in Swedish to learn Japanese for example.)

Well you can probably get as good at Esperanto in a week as in Chinese in a month lol! I'll try to remember to work on those lessons, I'm going to clean up my computer now and stuff and hopefully I'll actually remember to do it afterwards.

I've thought about learning Chinese too, it's so useful... but I'd want to learn Cantonese and I wouldn't take it seriously. It's just that I've had a lot of Cantonese-speaking friends in the past (also I think simplified Chinese looks kinda ugly lol) so I don't feel any connection to Mandarin.
sunlit_stone[personal profile] sunlit_stone on August 10th, 2017 04:19 am (UTC)
Yeah, no, that's definitely not my background at all. I mean it was kind of just assumed I'd learn French, but also my parents both have some German and my dad some Russian, my grandmother's a translator, that kind of thing. And I mean--pretty much everyone I know who grew up here speaks at least some French, and my home was basically English but also used some French expressions too, that kind of thing.

But also I think...a lot of what I get from languages is 1) increased subtlety of meaning and 2) increased access to beauty (e.g. poetry). And the only language that I'm really fluent in--catching the subtleties of meaning, recognizing references, that kind of thing--is English. So it'd hurt a lot to give up, if that makes sense.)

I would definitely be willing to devote a week to Esperanto! If you do find the lessons, let me know. Anyway I think I can already understand some of it, just from, like, recognizing similarity to words I already know in other languages :)

I'm learning Mandarin, and, yeah, simplified Chinese. I think Cantonese has six tones, I'm perfectly happy over here :P Honestly though I'm really enjoying it, it's pretty fun. 我喜欢中文!(hopefully the grammar's correct there...) & I like the simplified characters, but to each their own I guess. At least if you ever do decide to learn, you'll have a head start, you'll know some of the characters from Japanese!
lusentoj[personal profile] lusentoj on August 10th, 2017 05:08 am (UTC)
I think I already said it but I'm actually thinking of (later on) learning "Chinese" but via word-replacement, so I replace Chinese characters with Japanese ones I already know and get familiar with Chinese grammar / the odd characters that don't exist in Japanese first, then I can slowly de-replace the Japanese ones and move on to "real Chinese"... Sounds like a good plan to me anyway. And it'll definitely help my random kanji knowledge. In the same way I was replacing Esperanto words with kanji but that's on hold until I finish the kanji dictionary I'm making now (so the replacements can be "perfect") and I can sell the result *coughcough*

Hmm... I don't tend to actually speak/listen to languages in general, I'm more into reading/writing so I probably wouldn't care about the spoken language until much later anyway ; D
sunlit_stone[personal profile] sunlit_stone on August 10th, 2017 09:24 pm (UTC)
I don't think you did say, actually, but that's cool!