06 August 2017 @ 04:03 pm
current goals  

This week:
— Unlock debit card, try to make sure student loan money will go into it
— Fix/translate those African poems
— Write self-intro for the Esperanto club

Before October:
— Clean room, toss everything
— Clean out comp, sell old comp?
— Get to N1 level in reading Japanese

Keep thinking again that I have to "man up" and just become an adult already. Adults can't shirk all their responsibilities and put off everything for months, they don't promise stuff that has a chance of not happening, they don't spend all their time complaining, etc. Of course I'm speaking about the ideal type of adult, the kind that's in my mind. I have a LOT of stuff I've been putting off for months or years and I REALLY need to just swallow my fear/laziness and do it, though in the past few days I've for some reason felt really tired and sleepy all day... Last night I had a bad eyeache and was super thirsty too, they're probably all connected.... *yawns* when i say tired, i mean if i pause in writing this my eyes literally slide out of focus and i feel like i'm going to drift off to sleep in a few moments. it's summertime so my body's overtaxing itself, what with the bright sunlight and all, i think...

If you put off stuff until you "feel like it" or "feel better", you'll never get it done. Time doesn't actually stop just because you don't feel any time-press. Then suddenly that thing you promised to do, you realize your promise happened 4 months ago, or you haven't replied to that Email in 5 weeks. Sigh. Just have to man up... Clean everything, keep it clean, become an adult. Stop messing up and eating food that makes me feel sick.

( Post a new comment )
sunlit_stone[personal profile] sunlit_stone on August 8th, 2017 07:41 pm (UTC)
African poems?

(Good luck with the Esperanto club!)
lusentoj[personal profile] lusentoj on August 8th, 2017 09:03 pm (UTC)
I promised MONTHS ago that I'd fix the Esperanto some kids in the Congo wrote and then edit it into a book and put it up on Lulu for them to sell. I feel really bad about it (like "I'm a piece of shit" bad) but I haven't done it yet, and I don't know what's stopping me. They haven't been sending me reminders or anything and they've partially misunderstood the whole thing (I can't put the book up for them because the Lulu account owner has to be the same person as who gains the profits from the book) but at the same time I have no idea what their internet situation is like.

Actually I do know what stopped me each time I started: their Esperanto is too bad, I can't figure out what they want to say all the time... The headmaster/teacher's Esperanto is pretty bad too, that's the problem.
sunlit_stone[personal profile] sunlit_stone on August 10th, 2017 03:50 am (UTC)
Ohhh man yeah that's rough. I hate that kind of thing. When I'm editing my sister's stuff if I can't work out what she means I usually say sg like "do you mean [disambiguating example 1] or [disambiguating example 2?" but of course she's fluent in English so it doesn't come up all that often.

Ugh that's rough. Good luck
lusentoj[personal profile] lusentoj on August 10th, 2017 04:49 am (UTC)
I managed to do half the poems!
But I'm stuck on a few lines like this:

Momente ni komprenas ke nenio fari ekzistas ĉeestante en malsato.
"For a moment we understand that nothing to do exists existing at in hunger".

Because it's poems I have almost no context too. Sigh.
sunlit_stone[personal profile] sunlit_stone on August 10th, 2017 09:16 pm (UTC)
...huh. yeah, that's difficult.

Maybe it means, like, having nothing to do makes you hungry? Or makes you want to do things?
sunlit_stone[personal profile] sunlit_stone on August 8th, 2017 07:42 pm (UTC)
For some reason the UI isn't letting me post these as one comment...
I think...sometimes willing yourself to just do things works, and sometimes it doesn't. In particular (in my experience, which probably isn't universal) it can work for, like, one-offs, or for getting yourself to do something you haven't done yet the first time, but it's not great for repeated actions.
lusentoj[personal profile] lusentoj on August 8th, 2017 09:05 pm (UTC)
Re: For some reason the UI isn't letting me post these as one comment...

The problem is I really need to turn my life around!!
sunlit_stone[personal profile] sunlit_stone on August 10th, 2017 03:53 am (UTC)
Re: For some reason the UI isn't letting me post these as one comment...
That's the dream! :P if you manage it let me know how...

Idk, maybe pick, like, one thing, and work on that? Or, idk, how's your sleep?
lusentoj[personal profile] lusentoj on August 10th, 2017 04:54 am (UTC)
I know I can do it. The problem is I can't do it when I live where I do now, because I just do all I can to block out people talking / not murder people and break stuff. As soon as no one's awake / in the house (and I've had a few hours to "calm down" from the stress of the day) I get really productivem so I really think it WILL happen naturally... once I get out of here.

I sleep fine as long as I haven't accidentally eaten any processed foods! If I eat something processed I get insomnia, wake up tons, have trouble falling asleep and/or get nightmares. Now I'm being super strict with myself until I go to Japan too (I want my mood/skin/etc to be the best possible right before going, so I don't arrive and immediately seem like a gross crazy depressed person) so I'm just eating like, sausages and kimchi and bananas and not letting myself try any new potentially-risky foods/brands.
sunlit_stone[personal profile] sunlit_stone on August 10th, 2017 09:19 pm (UTC)
Oh, God. Yeah, I hear you. What's that saying? "Introverts unite--separately, in our own homes"?

The sleep thing is good, though, at least there's that
[personal profile] december_solstice on August 9th, 2017 12:48 am (UTC)
Don't beat yourself up about it, honestly. Willing ourselves to do something is hard (especially if we don't want to do it...I guess that's the main issue right). You're the most determined, MOST DISCIPLINED, MOSTTT hard-working person I know, BUTTTTTTTTTTTTT we can't be perfect 100% of the time. Try to be mindful of one thing at a time, and focus on that one thing, don't overwhelm yourself.

I feel the same way, and I'm pushing, trying my best, but I know it's not all perfect. Do your best each day, make an effort in all those areas that you feel you're struggling with (projects, food, cleaning etc.), and remember even a SMALL effort is still a step in the right direction.

I know how you feel though, I've been feeling super fatigued, getting headaches, and I know it's from crap - poor diet. I try my best to AT LEAST drink/eat something fermented each day to counter the damage lol...as if it's that simple, but I'M TRYING (a good habit I've picked up from you - and kefir, for example, has been making long term results for me). I think, OK Jocelyn, you gotta eat some fresh fruit, veg, or greens today. Doesn't need to be a whole fucking salad, but EAT SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOUR BODY.

Try to convince yourself: Just do ONE FUCKING PAGE (of whatever it is you choose - Esperanto textbook etc.), or just send a quick email, it'll only take 5 minutes.

I know you can do it, but don't beat yourself up when you slip up now and then.

Maybe a different strategy to shake things up? Random thought: Have you tried habit trackers? I can link you to one I made in G-docs, and you can straight up use it if you want (or make one for yourself).
lusentoj[personal profile] lusentoj on August 9th, 2017 04:01 am (UTC)
Thanks ;_; I was just about to post how my first day with my new goals are going!

I've tried habit trackers but they're too annoying for me. I've tried making charts on graph paper to fill out and that hasn't worked either. I can't even manage to keep a calendar of all my homework/doctor's appointments... I think it really stresses me out actually "seeing" the goals, especially when I've missed them (at least, at this point in my life when I already have so much other stress).

Kombucha's been making my wife lose weight (when the kefir didn't) and (I think) helping her be more productive in art-stuff again (she draws fanart)! She HATES it, says it "tastes like the smell of a moldy room" but when she had a really bad stomachache one time it cured it in seconds so I really think she needs to keep having it... I have to figure out how to make it not taste so bad for her though. You should definitely try to make kombucha when you can at some point later on too. And i've found that if I eat kombucha and kimchi on the same day (has to be both) I get good dreams, similar to when I have natto but the natto good dreams are stronger/better.